Every few life-crisis I tend to change what’s the worst feeling I think you could ever have in the world.
Really looking forward to something topping this. Because this is just…sad and tragic…and if you think about it long enough you could hurt yourself.
I think the worst feeling in the world is knowing you have a voice that no one cares to listen to.
And I think what makes this even worse is a tiny wish that there was someone out there in the world who would look at you and say, “I hear you; I understand.”
And possibly considering in a world of 6 billion people, there’s no one who would ever say those words to you.
So, you have to go through life speaking in vain.
That you could marry one day and it never changes.
That your children and grandchildren are equally dismissive.
That you die but no-one knew.
And at the funeral no one says that the only thing you ever wanted was to be heard.
And then you’re forgotten.
Thinking about this traffic situation on a morning from East-West. During VSOA and CHOGM motorists were allowed to use the far right lane of the East-bound (if facing East) to head West from Piarco intersection. There is less traffic heading East on a morning anyway. Why not have a trial period where we open that lane? I drove on that lane all the way to the lighthouse already.
Everyone heading up-town can easily turn off by the lighthouse and those in the other lanes can join them at any intersection before said lighthouse. Another lane would help very much.
Two problems: That CRH-UBH intersection and Trincity intersection. Because of construction works still taking place, it could be very confusing for a motorist. At the same time I’m sure some more thinkers could find a way around that.
Just trying to come up with ways to alleviate the traffic on a morning heading into POS.
Also, still an advocate of Telecommuting. Some people don’t physically need to be in the office some days and can more than be productive from their desktop computers or laptops at home.
Also, still want that high-speed rail…and have it from South to North. East to West already has a Priority Bus Route.
Also, the CNG push should be aborted. Most people like their trunk space. They don’t care if it will save them $20 a day. When you pay tens of thousands or even hundreds of thousands of dollars for a vehicle…you want to know that you’ll have your trunk space. Simple. You know what I think may be more progressive? Electric cars or hybrid vehicles.
However, maybe CNG should be an available option. Those who prefer to have it should have the right to choose. Other than that, Gov’t should stop bullying the public. We don’t like it.
Hey, you, in this space. Hi. Hi there.
I know I’ve been gone for a while. Apologies. The quarter-life has been interesting, that’s for sure.
Started this blog to deal with the barrage of emotions. I said, you know, let me work through this by writing.
And, it really did help. I wrote through everything. Came out on the other side more understanding, less frazzled.
Well another thing happened and that’s why I’ve been absent.
I met someone…and he has “bewitched me heart and soul”…to borrow a line from one of my favourite movies (can you guess which one?).
This man came into my world—where I was pleasantly hiding—and disrupted everything. In a good way.
In the past five months I’ve gone out way more than I’m used to. Dressed up more than I’m used to. Brushed my teeth way more than before. And the list goes on…I even wore shoes I haven’t worn for years.
It’s an exciting time. It’s also a scary time. I feel like any minute someone will wake me up. But it doesn’t seem to be happening. The uncertainty is unsettling. But it’s the very thing that drives me.
He reminds me of simple things I forgot long ago. He reminds me that everyday is a gift and you’ve got to live…no one else is going to do that for you. You have to live. I have to live.
So I’m out there living. Trying to anyway. Not back to full strength but I’m out there giving it a go.
Just wanted to let you know. Thanks for reading.
"We don’t have to carry the entire burden"
— Message from a friend this morning
Then I take a shower and I’m all like…
If you died tomorrow, would there be at least one person to say they really knew you? How much of ourselves do we really hide from everyone? According to Johari’s Window there are four selves and one of them is the self we know but others do not. Who can say they really know you? Are people there when we feel the weight of a thousand worlds on our shoulders? Do we share that burden or do we bottle it up refusing to be bothersome? Who knows you? Anyone?
i have this really bad habit of shutting down when i’m sad
i just stare at nothing and generally think about nothing
i focus on breathing and staying alive to hopefully get to a better place
i lock myself away inside myself and not many people know what to look for
they see my facade and they buy it because i will it to be so
when i’m hurt i wait to cry
tears don’t immediately come. focusing on the breathing.
i’m actually torn between feeling sad and feeling angry
…so i decide to feel nothing
focus on breathing
i know i’ll be better
i just need some time
"Vishala, what would Christ do?"
The question I’m asking myself right now so that I won’t do anything that will erase the past 10-11 months of significant growth and development.
It’s so easy. I can feel as though I’m on the edge of a cliff. All I need to do is make that unwise decision and go into a free fall.
But I won’t. Christ would refuse to shrink back. He would refuse to let darkness best him. He would LOVE. He would FORGIVE. He would PRAY.
He would beat His flesh into submission.
Thinking of Egypt this morning.
While there’s mounting violence in that part of the world there is quiet over here. I wonder if the pro-Morsi and anti-Morsi people can see beyond their present reality and engage another reality miles and miles away on the other side of the planet.
An American friend of mine who has adopted T&T as his homeland says living here has taught him to chill out. He says Americans take themselves too seriously and squabble over everything; everything is a protest/demonstration. Living in Trinidad has increased his sight and he now stands at an elevated position.
I want that for Egyptians. I feel like someone or something needs to eject them from their present reality and plug them into ours. Somehow I believe it will make a difference and maybe the senseless murders would drop significantly.
Not saying life should be a party. However, liming on a beach and sipping a chilled anything is more desirable than taking a life.
Since I started this blog, I’ve been interested in race in America, but terrified to write about it. What the hell do I know about racism? I’m a privileged white person who has never really experienced it, and I don’t see it in my social circles.
This week I realized: that’s exactly why I should add to this discussion.
People like me are a part of this equation.
We cannot fix problems we don’t see, and we cannot talk meaningfully about what we deny.
I’ve spent every day this week simmering. I mean this literally and figuratively; It’s been 100 degrees and I’ve been too tired and angry to do much of anything besides read things on the Internet, even comments, even though I know better.
Anyone who says America is not racist has not spent time reading internet comments this week.
Brilliant. Please have a read.